weird...

I just realized that I had not updated my weight loss ticklers for a couple of weeks.

Things have been crazy in my life lately, but I am still plugging away at losing weight and getting healthy. I haven't been blogging much, just reading some here and there, spending a lot of time on Facebook, though. I need to get out of that habit because taking care of my farm and "helping" all my friends takes about 2 hrs a night!! I need this more.

My clothes are getting lose and I guess people don't want to hurt my feelings by asking (if I say no) about losing weight. If it comes up in conversation I always get comments like "I thought you looked like you were losing weight!" or they act like they were just about to ask. I have yo-yoed for so long maybe people have just given up on asking. I like the acknowledgment but I have reached a point in my life where I no longer need it.

My friend, Tammy, told a friend of hers that she was doing this for herself and that she had come to a place in her life where she was fed up with everything and said "F--- all, y'all!" I get that. I am there. I have taken care of everyone in my life for all my life and now it is time for me.

I have to say that I feel so much better since the beginning of the challenges. When I was at my highest, 383.2, I was so miserable and now that I am down to 323, I feel so much better! That is 60 pounds gone from 2 yrs ago!! Now, granted, 17 lbs was already gone at the beginning of the challenge in Jan, but to know that I can do this, just keeps me going. I am trying so hard to not give in to temptation because I know how hard it is to start over. I did well 2 yrs ago and have started over about 10 times since then, but this time...this time is different. It has nothing to do with the challenge other than I have that many more weapons in my arsenal to fight against my old gluttenous self. I want to feel good all the time again and not have good days and bad days. I feel so much more focused, now that I have changed my eating habits.

I had a scary afternoon a couple of weeks ago. It has made me wonder if I am addicted to food. Someone in the office got chinese food from the restaurant down the street and it SMELLED SOOOO GOOODDD!!!!! When he was done, he closed the styrofoam box and placed it in his trash can. I sat at my desk all afternoon day dreaming about that box!!! He and I share the reception area of our office. If he had left before me, I am pretty sure I would have gotten the box out of the trash and eaten his left overs. That was a very scary feeling for me. I have been very careful since then to eat at the same time he does so that I can focus on my food and not his. The pizza they have gotten (twice this week) has not been near as tempting as that chinese food was. I am ashamed to realize how bad I wanted that food.

I have stopped buying junk food for my husband and kids. I just don't want to be around it anymore. We have more fruits and veggies in our fridge than ever before. No more cookies or chips.

I had a weak moment, financially, on Saturday. Isabella, Christina and I went to Shoe Carnival to look at a pair a New Balance shoes that were on sale. Of course, they didn't have any in my size but I saw the Skechers. They had several different kinds and colors. I tried on some blue ones and thought that they were very comfortable but a little expensive. Then I saw "them". Pink, silver and white Breast Cancer Awareness shape-ups!!! They are pink!!! and have the pink ribbon!!! with rhinestones!!! and were on sale!!!! Guess what came home with me!!???!?!? So, we won't eat this week...just kidding, I had new shoes in my budget, so I got them. If I am going to buy something and I have a choice of whatever it is with or without the pink ribbon, I pick the pink ribbon everytime. My sister is a breast cancer survivor. I support that cause in everyway I can!!! I get pink ribbon stuff for my girls, too and they love it and think of their Nanny when they look at it. We don't get to see her very often, she lives about 450 miles away from us. One of these days I am going to join the 3 day walk that they do.

I will be more diligent in blogging. It really does help to get my thoughts out of my mind and onto the screen.